You notice your car overheating before you drive it. You no longer associate bridges or rivers with water. You can hear the weather forecast of 115 degrees without flinching. You can be in the snow, then drive for an hour...and it will be over 100 degrees. You discover, in July it only takes two fingers to drive your car, because your steering wheel is so hot. You run your air conditioner in the middle of winter so you can use your fireplace. The best parking is determined by shade.....not distance. You realize that "Valley Fever" isn't a disco dance. You can make sun tea instantly. Hotter water comes from the cold water tap than the hot one. It's noon in July, kids are on summer vacation and yet all the streets are totally empty of both cars and people. You actually burn your hand opening the car door. Sunscreen is sold year round and kept right at the checkout counter. You put on fresh sunscreen just to go check the mail box. Some fools will market mini-misters for joggers and some other fools will actually buy them. Worse.....some fools actually try to jog. You can pronounce Saguaro, Tempe, San Xavier, Canyon de Chelly, Mogollon Rim, Cholla, Gila and Tucson. You can understand the reason for a town named "Why" You can fry an egg on the hood of a car in the morning. You know hot air balloons can't rise because the air temperature is hotter than the air inside the balloon. You see two trees fighting over a dog. You can say "Hohokam" and people don't think you're laughing funny. You see more irrigation water on the street than there is in the Salt River You have to go to a fake beach for some fake waves You hear people say "but it's a dry heat!" You buy salsa by the gallon. Your Christmas decorations include sand and l00 paper bags. You think a red light is merely a suggestion. All of your out-of-state friends start to visit after October but clear out come the end of April. You think someone driving wearing oven mitts is clever. Most of the restaurants in town have the first name "El" or "Los." You think 60 tons of crushed red rock makes a beautiful yard. Your house is made of stucco and has a red clay tile roof. Vehicles with open windows have the right-of-way in the summer. Most homes have more firearms than people. Kids ask, "What's a mosquito?" People who have black cars or black upholstery in their car are automatically assumed to be from out of-state or nuts. You know better than to get into a car with leather seats if you're wearing shorts. You can finish a Big Gulp in 10 minutes and go back for seconds. You take rain dances seriously. When a rainy day puts you in a good mood. When you drive two miles around a parking lot looking for a shady place - even in the dead of winter. You feed your chickens ice cubes to keep them from laying hard-boiled eggs. You "hug" a cactus only once in your lifetime. When you have to look up "mass transit" in the dictionary. A hundred ten in the shade is sorta hot, but you don't have to shovel it off your driveway. A haboob happens. Petrified doesn't mean scared. The temperature drops below 95, you feel a bit chilly. You've lived in AZ your whole life and have never been to the Grand Canyon You would give anything to be able to splash cold water on your face. You can attend any function wearing shorts and a tank top. You realize that asphalt has a liquid state. you realize that snowbirds aren't really birds at all, but just really bad out of state drivers that you learn to hate there are only two temperatures, hot and hotter even thinking about not having air conditioning makes you sweat you travel out of state and any sort of humidity nearly kills you you have no idea why 48 other states (Hawaii doesn't do it either) insist on changing their clocks twice a year for this thing called "daylight savings time" |
